1 00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:12,410 Second floor, perfumery, stationery and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery, 2 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,230 kitchenware and food, going up. 3 00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:23,990 First floor, telephones, gents, ready -made suits, gents, socks, pie hats, 4 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:25,870 underwear and shoes, going up. 5 00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:35,670 Second floor, carpet, travel goods and bedding, materials, soft furnishing, 6 00:00:35,930 --> 00:00:37,590 restaurant and tea, going up. 7 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,300 doesn't come to this meeting soon. I'm going home. 8 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,780 What's this meeting about anyway? 9 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:57,240 Well, all he said was that it would be to our advantage. But I have my doubts. 10 00:00:57,740 --> 00:00:59,920 But where's Mr. Humphreys? Has he gone home? 11 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,200 He's still getting changed. 12 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,120 He's taking a long time to put on a hat and coat. 13 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,480 I bet he's nipped off down the back stairs. 14 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:17,060 Have you ever known me nip off and miss a meeting? 15 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,440 It would be a little bit more discreet if you did that outside the building. 16 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:31,740 Don't be ridiculous. The wind would blow me wigger. 17 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,460 You're not going home like that, are you? No, I'm meeting my mother at the 18 00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:38,460 cinema. 19 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,440 What, just like that? 20 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,080 Well, she's a part -time usherette at a cinema near here, you see, and she can't 21 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,000 make every night, so I stand in for her every now and again. 22 00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:48,780 Can't tell the difference in the dark. 23 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:50,980 What do you have to do? 24 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,100 Well, I wave my big torch about and show them to the sea. 25 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,960 Then I sit on the back row and I flush it every now and again. 26 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,540 Stop them flipping up when they go out. 27 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,280 Remarkable explanation indeed. 28 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,960 If you don't believe me, why don't you come and have a look at something from 29 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,280 outer space at 7 .30? 30 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:10,259 I'm already looking at it. 31 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,060 I forgot to tell Tiddles that I was going to be late. 32 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,720 She'll be ever so upset. 33 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,640 I'd better go and phone her. 34 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,980 You don't mean to tell me you can communicate with that cat of yours? 35 00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:26,800 Well, why not? I do it with monkeys. 36 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:30,660 I show them things like pictures of vegetables and numbers and the monkeys 37 00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:31,680 at them and make up a sentence. 38 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:33,120 How do you know that? 39 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,840 I watch nature programmes on the telly. I've learned quite a lot. 40 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,680 Oh, and when do you take your exam to go in the zoo? 41 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,180 Look, would you all mind being quiet? I must concentrate because I haven't got 42 00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:47,180 my glasses on. 43 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:51,060 Do you seriously believe that that cat of yours can understand what you say? 44 00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:56,240 Yes, you see, I've trained her to knock the receiver off the cradle and put her 45 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,200 head near it after it's rung about five times. 46 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,440 She's answered. 47 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,340 Hello, pet. 48 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,940 It's your mistress speaking. 49 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:11,380 Now, listen, I'm going to be later than I thought, so why don't you go and lie 50 00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:17,200 down on that nice big comfy bed and wait for me? And when I come, I'll pick a... 51 00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:21,390 Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Akbar. 52 00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:25,910 I must have misdialed. 53 00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:28,030 It's your neighbour, Mrs. 54 00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:29,310 Sleuton. 55 00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:32,330 What do you mean you'll leave your key under the mat? 56 00:03:34,030 --> 00:03:37,190 Look, I'm trying to get my pussy on the phone. 57 00:03:39,410 --> 00:03:42,190 Mr. Akbar, I don't wish to discuss that with you. 58 00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:47,230 Look, all I want to do is redial, so will you please hang up? 59 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:53,310 Come along, Mrs. Slocum. I'm ready for the meeting and we haven't much time. 60 00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:55,170 Yes, but I've dialed again. 61 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,010 I'll just make it brief. 62 00:03:57,310 --> 00:03:58,310 It's ringing. 63 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:05,310 Three, four, five, six, seven. 64 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:07,450 Oh, drat, she's not answering. 65 00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:12,010 Mrs. Slocum, leave the phone off the hook and come here. I don't want to be 66 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,230 interrupted by any calls. 67 00:04:13,530 --> 00:04:14,950 Oh, oh, very well. 68 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:18,540 She must have gone to be a good girl in the garden. 69 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,680 If we'd known you were going to be so long, Mr Rumble, we could have popped 70 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,680 for a sandwich. 71 00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:25,300 Not dressed like that, I trust. 72 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:27,280 I'm meeting my mother at the cinema. 73 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:28,940 I don't even want to know. 74 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:32,440 Now, I asked Miss Belfridge to go and get some food and charge it to the 75 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,640 department. Ah, here she comes now. Bring it over here, Miss Belfridge. 76 00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:39,400 Oh, I'm sorry I was so long, but I didn't know what everyone wanted. 77 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:44,680 I think the pub knows by now that chick's tail ham sandwiches are the 78 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:49,240 order. Oh, I don't like going in that pub. The men in there all pinch my 79 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,800 That's disgraceful. Now, is that in the public bar or the saloon? The saloon. 80 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:57,200 I shall make a note of that. 81 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:58,760 So will I. 82 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,860 This smells like smoked salmon. 83 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,800 It is smoked salmon. I got them at the hotel on the corner. 84 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,119 The hotel? 85 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,060 And there's seven Irish coffees. 86 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,360 But the firm's paying for this. 87 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,340 I know. They're sending the bill to you. 88 00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:15,540 Here's a copy of it. 89 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:17,900 Twenty pounds? 90 00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,260 Mr. 91 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:23,040 Grace won't sanction that. Quick, easy job before he sends them back. 92 00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:26,380 That's the last time I send you out, Miss Belfridge. 93 00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:29,740 Well, in that case, we'd better make the most of it. Have you got any lemon 94 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,740 there? 95 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,260 This is the most civilised meeting we've ever had. 96 00:05:38,110 --> 00:05:40,130 It's cost more than the last half dozen. 97 00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:41,670 Shall I go home? 98 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,310 No, no, just sit down and take notes. 99 00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:46,050 Pencil and pad ready? 100 00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,109 Yes, sir. 101 00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:48,570 Now, the first one should count. 102 00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:55,030 Due to a clerical error, I find we are 20 pounds adrift in this month's 103 00:05:55,630 --> 00:05:58,430 Investigation is underway, and I will advise accordingly. 104 00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:01,890 Copy to Mr. Grace, et cetera, signed C. Rumbold. 105 00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:03,730 One learns something every day. 106 00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:05,570 What happens when it's not put back? 107 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,880 I think that the fruits of this discussion will provide more than enough 108 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,200 to make £20 seem a very unsubstantial sum. 109 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,600 How so? 110 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,160 Could you take that wig off? 111 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,680 I find it hard to concentrate. 112 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,600 A lot of people have said that. 113 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:28,100 Now, Mr Grace has decided to allow us to use this valuable floor space at night 114 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:33,560 for whatever money -making programme we would like, in return for which he will 115 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,260 take 10 % of the profits. 116 00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:36,790 What had you in mind? 117 00:06:37,370 --> 00:06:39,890 Well, that's why we're here, to see what ideas we've got. 118 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:41,570 Which means you don't have any. 119 00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:45,250 Well, actually, I thought a choral evening. 120 00:06:45,510 --> 00:06:49,110 We could all sing old favourites, like all things bright and beautiful, serve 121 00:06:49,110 --> 00:06:52,330 tea and cakes, charge an entrance fee and stay apart. 122 00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:55,650 I think it could be a very civilised evening. 123 00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:57,330 Not to mention a disaster. 124 00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,970 People want a change from sex and violence. 125 00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:02,710 How about a roll of disco? 126 00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:05,170 Oh, no, no, no, that could damage the floor. 127 00:07:05,630 --> 00:07:07,810 Bowls. I beg your pardon? 128 00:07:09,310 --> 00:07:10,450 Bowls, you know, with skills. 129 00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:11,670 Bowls, to play bowls. 130 00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,970 No, no, no, no. We want something much less violent than that. Something we can 131 00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:18,010 all participate in and something for which we could charge money. 132 00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:19,450 Without being arrested. 133 00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:22,090 What about a snack bar? 134 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:27,610 Judging by these sandwiches, there's certainly money and food, but one needs 135 00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,270 offer them that little bit extra. 136 00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:32,470 We could have music playing in the background to give it atmosphere. 137 00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:34,710 Oh, yes, we could charge more for that. 138 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,880 I could play a little background on the piano. 139 00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:42,380 Like a nightclub, with the sort of name that suggests that it's upmarket and 140 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:43,820 discreet. Exactly. 141 00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:49,660 The sort of name that's apropos to good food and attractive female staff. 142 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,320 That always brings them in. 143 00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:52,579 I've got it. 144 00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:53,860 What about a crumpet club? 145 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,920 Don't make a suggestion, Spooner, unless you're sure it's a good one. 146 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,500 Now, let's stick to the food. 147 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,560 What sort of dishes could we have? 148 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,110 Well, my mother makes a very good steak and kidney pudding. 149 00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:06,850 In that case, what about a pudding club? 150 00:08:08,470 --> 00:08:09,469 Ignore him. 151 00:08:09,470 --> 00:08:13,990 We mustn't mislead people by calling it a club. Anyhow, we don't know if we've 152 00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:15,190 actually got a drinks license. 153 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:18,590 It's just soft drinks. You know, tea, coffee, cocoa. 154 00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:20,110 Tea and cocoa. 155 00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:21,770 Oh, that sounds very sophisticated. 156 00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:25,710 Yes, but how are we going to get them to come in in the first place? 157 00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:27,790 Well, we could advertise at the local cinema. 158 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,710 Oh, we couldn't possibly afford that. 159 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,950 Oh, it'll be very cheap. The manager's a very good friend of mine. Me and his 160 00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:36,850 army mothers are part -time usherette there, and I help out from time to time. 161 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,650 Well, that would, of course, make a great deal of difference. It's as good 162 00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:40,649 done. 163 00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:44,790 Well, I'll put all my suggestions in front of Mr. Gray's first thing in the 164 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:45,810 morning. I'm sure he'll like them. 165 00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:48,910 I must just phone the manager, tell him I'm going to be a bit late. 166 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:56,150 Mrs. Slocum? 167 00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:57,450 Yes, what is it? 168 00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:59,070 I can hear heavy breathing. 169 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:00,370 Oh, me? 170 00:09:01,030 --> 00:09:05,990 You know, that last time I rang Tiddles, I bet she answered the phone and she's 171 00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:07,490 been hanging on all this time. 172 00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:11,650 Now there's a faithful animal for you. Here, give it to me. 173 00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:18,150 Oh, my little pet, I'm ever so sorry. But I'll make it up to you as soon as I 174 00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:19,150 get home. 175 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:23,310 So why don't you open your little flap and play with your ball? 176 00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:40,110 talking to Mrs Axelby last night and she can't wait to get into the club. 177 00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:43,930 I thought this club was going to be for sophisticated people. 178 00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:47,830 Mrs Axelby can be very sophisticated when she puts it on. 179 00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:51,250 I thought you said she was the one that was banned from the pub for standing on 180 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,210 her head and singing on a clear day you can see forever. 181 00:09:55,850 --> 00:09:57,470 Where have you been? Coffee's nearly over. 182 00:09:57,870 --> 00:09:59,590 I've been down to the photography department. 183 00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:00,930 Send me a ballpoint. 184 00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:01,629 What for? 185 00:10:01,630 --> 00:10:03,690 Well, this coffee melts the lead in my pencil. 186 00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:10,160 you doing in photographics? Well, my friend, the cinema manager, says we can 187 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,160 have a free advert. 188 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,500 So it occurred to me, why don't we make our own? 189 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,180 Because it costs money. 190 00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:19,620 Aha, well, I've just been down to the photography department and I've borrowed 191 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,680 home movie camera. 192 00:10:20,940 --> 00:10:24,940 I thought we could make our own film commercial, you see. It gives people a 193 00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:26,800 better idea of what's going on in the club. 194 00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:31,300 I think I've got it all in my head now. We could start off with Captain Peacock 195 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:35,240 playing the piano, and then I could introduce everybody to the club. 196 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,700 Which, by the way, we've still got to find a name for. 197 00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:41,520 I thought Club Rendezvous. Oh, I like that. 198 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,900 Oh, yes, but there's a Café Rendezvous on the North Circular. 199 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,660 And, well, a lot of rough truck drivers go there. 200 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,540 Is that the one just before the roundabout on the bend? 201 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:57,080 And people might get the two confused. 202 00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:58,340 I doubt it. 203 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,680 We could show customers handing their coats to the cloakroom attendant, you 204 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,420 know, just to establish the atmosphere. 205 00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:04,900 You could be that. 206 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,420 In a cloakroom attendant, I've seen some of them and they're all dead common. 207 00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:12,500 No, I wouldn't be right for it. 208 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,020 More coffee, you lot, before I scrub out the percolator? 209 00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:19,200 Oh, perfect casting. 210 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,840 How would you like a nice job in the evenings in a rather smart, 211 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,160 restaurant that we're going to open on the fourth floor? Oh, I had a room about 212 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,360 that, so it's all on then. Oh, yes, we're discussing the cinema commercial 213 00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:33,840 Well, I like the sound of that. 214 00:11:35,540 --> 00:11:36,800 Rather upmarket, you know. 215 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,380 Don't worry, I can put the old dog on when I want to. 216 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:40,720 Good evening, sir. 217 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,980 Modern. May I take your order? 218 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,820 I think you'll find the food well up to cordon bleu and above. 219 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,120 Have a nice nosh. 220 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,780 Well, actually, we were thinking of you as the receptionist that takes the 221 00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:55,060 coats. What? I wouldn't even consider such a menial position. 222 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:56,980 Remember, I am the manageress here. 223 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:02,100 When a receptionist takes a hat or a coat, the customer has to give a tip to 224 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:03,100 it back. 225 00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:07,350 The receptionist can just sit there and take twice as much as anybody else on a 226 00:12:07,350 --> 00:12:07,969 good night. 227 00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:10,710 You never told me that when you offered me the job. 228 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,370 Look, I'm your superior. 229 00:12:12,770 --> 00:12:14,030 I have first crack. 230 00:12:14,790 --> 00:12:15,970 Too late. I've accepted. 231 00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:19,930 We're only discussing it. Nothing's been decided yet. You just wait until you're 232 00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,050 booked. Yes, quite right. 233 00:12:23,150 --> 00:12:26,310 Where I come from in Peckham, a verbal agreement is good enough. 234 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:29,630 And if you change your mind, remember, I've got a boyfriend built like a brick 235 00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:31,350 chicken house. He'll change it for you. 236 00:12:31,770 --> 00:12:32,770 Savvy? 237 00:12:32,970 --> 00:12:34,590 I think we've got a receptionist. 238 00:12:35,430 --> 00:12:36,430 That's right. 239 00:12:37,610 --> 00:12:41,990 On second thoughts, I don't think it's the sort of club that Mrs Axelby would 240 00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:43,110 want to belong to. 241 00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:54,830 There you are. Now, let's try it one more time. 242 00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:58,110 Good evening. May I have your hat and coat? 243 00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:01,970 No, no, no. Not your hat and coat. Your hat and coat. 244 00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:05,910 Well, then you ask them for their hat and coat and glove. 245 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:07,930 Well, 246 00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:10,030 why do I put them when I've got them? 247 00:13:10,430 --> 00:13:14,970 You obviously can't handle dialogue. Look, just get changed and stand at the 248 00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:15,869 back somewhere. 249 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,250 Now, where's Mr Harmer and Seymour with that equipment? 250 00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:23,010 Just coming up on the goods lift. 251 00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:24,730 Why are you dressed like that, sir? 252 00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:27,710 Well, you said that me and Seymour and the lift girls could be customers. 253 00:13:28,070 --> 00:13:29,290 I've already got a stock. 254 00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:32,970 Well, get rid of those top hats and change those jackets. 255 00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:34,690 You're supposed to look normal. 256 00:13:35,670 --> 00:13:36,990 Well, you don't look normal. 257 00:13:38,850 --> 00:13:43,690 I am Pierre from Paris, and surprisingly it may seem this is the way it dresses. 258 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:47,890 You're supposed to be ordinary businessmen. Right. Oh, by the way, this 259 00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:51,530 camera. It comes with sound in a separate box here. Press the switch and 260 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:52,530 microphone's on. 261 00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:54,870 Is this all right? 262 00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:57,130 Well, very much over the top. 263 00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:01,550 But not quite as much over the top as Miss Velfridge. 264 00:14:02,830 --> 00:14:05,770 Well, I thought it would set the tone for the sort of people we're hoping to 265 00:14:05,770 --> 00:14:09,210 attract. Well, sit down at the tables here. We haven't got all the staff 266 00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:12,050 together yet. Now, where's Miss Browns and Mrs Snowcomb? 267 00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:18,450 Listen, do you think these earrings are too big? 268 00:14:19,870 --> 00:14:21,790 I think everything's too big. 269 00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:26,090 I thought you said you were going to wear something simple. Well, I was, but 270 00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:29,710 tried everything, and this was the only thing that really fitted me. 271 00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:48,490 real bottle where we're not sure of the license. 272 00:14:48,730 --> 00:14:52,030 Ah, well, we're going to shoot the commercial twice, you see. If we get the 273 00:14:52,030 --> 00:14:54,810 license, we'll use the one with the bottle, and if we do get the license, 274 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:55,810 use the one with the cocoa. 275 00:14:56,410 --> 00:14:58,330 Oh, well, we might as well have a drink of this. 276 00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:03,030 Oh, we were going to use that pop sound for the film. 277 00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:07,510 Haven't you got special effects for that? We're not 20th century tops, you 278 00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:10,250 This stuff goes straight to my head. 279 00:15:10,890 --> 00:15:12,490 Well, there's plenty of room for it. 280 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:21,180 Mr. Humphreys, I've brought a selection with me, but I thought something like 281 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:22,340 this might be suitable. 282 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,540 Night and day, you are the one. 283 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:33,400 Only you will be the moon and under the sun. Those are the wrong chords for 284 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,400 that. 285 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,160 They're the chords I always play. I quite like it. 286 00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:39,420 And so did I. 287 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,500 No, no, these are much better chords. 288 00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,390 Uh, a detox, all right? 289 00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:52,490 Shh, I'm just checking the music. 290 00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,810 Look, if you think you're so much better, then perhaps you'd better play. 291 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,830 very well. 292 00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:04,010 A cigarette, but well, the cigarette is right. 293 00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:10,270 On your mind to be a romantic placer. 294 00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:15,110 Mr. Rambo! Or the ghost of Euclid. Mr. Rambo! 295 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,300 Captain Peacock. dressed for the piano. 296 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,980 My attire is perfectly suitable, if anything more so. 297 00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:23,820 Well, let me put it another way. 298 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,280 You're not good enough. 299 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,520 What do you mean? I've got perfect pitch. So has Wembley Stadium, but 300 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,520 playing there. 301 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,280 Well, I shall find it very difficult to enjoy my dinner listening to those 302 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:38,500 chords. All you've got to do is pretend to enjoy your dinner. Now, come on, sit 303 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:39,500 back at your table. 304 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,440 I must think to myself now whether singing's a good idea or not. 305 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:47,760 Look, why don't I sing a bit with him, you know, and... In between times. 306 00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,260 I didn't know you could sing. 307 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:50,540 Oh! 308 00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:55,200 Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. 309 00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:59,500 And little man, little Lola wants you. 310 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,520 Mrs. Slocum, I don't think Lola's what they want. 311 00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:08,339 Yes, but if I did a bit of that, then I could ask the Mr. Robin a good time. 312 00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:10,760 Yes, well, if you did a bit of that, they wouldn't be, would they? 313 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:12,060 Now, where's Miss Brown? 314 00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:22,530 I've been trying different looks. I think that looks very nice. 315 00:17:22,849 --> 00:17:25,369 I think it's a bit old -fashioned. 316 00:17:25,829 --> 00:17:27,690 What do you think, Mr Rumbold? 317 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,650 Well, it's a very country tea room. 318 00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:33,090 Yeah. Well, anyway, here's the alternative. 319 00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:37,970 Darn it, that's more like it. What do you think, Seymour? 320 00:17:44,090 --> 00:17:45,090 Seymour likes it. 321 00:17:45,550 --> 00:17:48,870 Miss Brahms, put that skirt back. That's not the image we're looking for. 322 00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,220 Never mind. 323 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,620 Just go back and stand over there and try not to multiply. 324 00:18:01,220 --> 00:18:03,100 I'm going to have to edit all these bits. 325 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,320 Now, where's the door to the club from this play? 326 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,240 Over by the good thing. We'll get it. Come on. 327 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,880 Got to get this intimate atmosphere going. 328 00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:15,140 Night and day, you're the one. 329 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:16,580 Not yet. 330 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:21,880 Miss Burford, this bottle's empty. What's happened to all the champagne? 331 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,420 It's all in a red on the table. 332 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,700 Why don't you prop her up a bit? 333 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:36,340 That's nice. 334 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:43,780 My aunt is very proud of it. Of course, they won't have discounted if I eat 335 00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:45,840 here. Yes, well, I'd like to think about that. 336 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,080 Where's the doorman? 337 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,300 Welcome to the club rendezvous. It's all out in the air. 338 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,540 Not yet, not yet. I haven't got the camera sorted out. 339 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,500 Now, where's the trolley with all the dishes on it? Oh, coming up. See more? 340 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,820 Right. Now, pay attention, everybody, please. Now, you know the sort of thing 341 00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:03,860 want. Just keep it nice and relaxed. 342 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,560 When do I say my lines? 343 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,680 Well, hopefully at the same time as when we rehearse them. 344 00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:11,580 Right, now, Mr Harmon and his party standing by. 345 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,800 Right. Good, right. 346 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,200 Now, it's running. 347 00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:16,180 OK. 348 00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:19,740 Action. Night and day... Not yet! 349 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,560 Wait till Mr. Harmon gets to the door and opens it. 350 00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:26,940 Right. 351 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,090 Miss Brahms, what are you doing there? 352 00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:57,850 Well, my safety pin broke and I just didn't have time to get ready. 353 00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:00,210 Oh, get rid of that thing. We can't use it. 354 00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:07,350 Here we go then. What about my bit? How can I 355 00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:09,670 welcome people to the club if I've got no door? 356 00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:13,830 You can't. Now come here and take charge of this camera and try and get 357 00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:14,830 everybody in. 358 00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:16,330 Now, how's Miss Bell's fridge? 359 00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:17,990 Well, I think it's warmed up a bit. 360 00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:27,470 my bit now. Here, the chef. 361 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:30,130 Mr. Harmon, you and your party, you're sat here. 362 00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:30,909 Oh, yes. 363 00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:35,270 Now, Mr. Spooner, make sure that camera's running. Captain Peacock, stand 364 00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:36,270 the soft pedal. 365 00:20:36,310 --> 00:20:37,310 Action. 366 00:20:38,290 --> 00:20:39,290 Good evening. 367 00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:44,970 I am Pierre from Paris. Welcome to the club rendezvous. 368 00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:48,550 May I introduce our charming hostess for the evening? 369 00:20:48,810 --> 00:20:49,810 Betty. 370 00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:53,410 Bonsoir. And helping her is the lovely Shirley. 371 00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,320 what you want. 372 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,880 Although what we have to offer is limited, I'm sure you will enjoy it. 373 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,220 Now, sir, what would you like for starter? 374 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,440 What have you got? 375 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,780 Well, to start with, meat patty avocado. 376 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,500 That's a nice -looking pair. 377 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:13,800 Can I have a feel? 378 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:15,340 Help yourself. 379 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,800 My word, that will do nicely. 380 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,860 Vivo without dressing. 381 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,320 Without, if you please. 382 00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:26,000 And now, Betty, our charming hostess will show you her speciality. 383 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,179 Get it. 384 00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:31,520 Show the gentleman what you've got under there. 385 00:21:32,540 --> 00:21:33,540 Voila! 386 00:21:33,940 --> 00:21:37,020 Blimey, what a whopper. That bird's big enough for the whole table. 387 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:40,300 I had it plucked and stuffed the minute it came from Norfolk. 388 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,460 Turkey's come from Norfolk, not chicken. 389 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:43,760 Cut! 390 00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:46,680 I'm talking to myself over there. 391 00:21:47,020 --> 00:21:48,580 I'm going to have to edit all this. 392 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,300 Now, look, I'll tell you what. Just let's do the bit that we agreed. 393 00:21:52,660 --> 00:21:55,820 You're not forgetting to mention that I'm on the piano, are you? Don't worry, 394 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:56,920 you'll get a mention. 395 00:21:57,459 --> 00:22:00,460 What am I actually supposed to be doing during this scene? 396 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,360 You're supposed to be having a sophisticated conversation with your 397 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,400 Mr. 398 00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:13,440 Spooner, get that microphone and tie it onto the end of a pole or something and 399 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,640 dangle it over me. I think some of these words are going missing. 400 00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:21,460 Right, now then, don't forget to switch the motor on as soon as I wave my hand. 401 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,820 We'll take it from Norfolk. 402 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:29,020 Would the gentleman prefer the leg or the breast? 403 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,660 I'd like a bit of both, but my friend prefers to pass his notes. 404 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:37,220 I shall be performing night and day on the piano. 405 00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:39,660 By the way, my name is Stephen Peacock. 406 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:40,900 Of course. 407 00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:43,120 And where is all this happening? 408 00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:50,280 It is at Grace Brothers in the High Street, on the fourth floor, from 7 .30 409 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:51,280 midnight. 410 00:22:53,930 --> 00:22:57,050 Stop this table. You haven't done us yet. No, I haven't got time for that. 411 00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:58,810 whole thing's only going to last 30 seconds. 412 00:22:59,090 --> 00:23:02,670 Do we get to eat this chicken now? I'm starved. Yes, yes, come on. Pull up your 413 00:23:02,670 --> 00:23:03,670 chairs. 414 00:23:05,210 --> 00:23:06,770 Did your mother cook this, Humphrey? 415 00:23:07,050 --> 00:23:09,010 I got it from the hotel around the corner. 416 00:23:09,230 --> 00:23:10,230 Ah, that's very generous. 417 00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,290 I've sent the bill to you. 418 00:23:13,170 --> 00:23:14,170 I hope this works. 419 00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:17,190 I don't think I could account for another 20 quid going astray. 420 00:23:17,470 --> 00:23:18,950 Now, who's for the parson's nose? 421 00:23:25,930 --> 00:23:27,150 We haven't missed our commercial. 422 00:23:27,570 --> 00:23:29,550 The cinema wasn't easy to find. 423 00:23:30,070 --> 00:23:34,110 I tried to see what was showing, but someone's put stickers all over the 424 00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:37,610 posters. Well, I expect they get a lot of vandals round here. 425 00:23:40,370 --> 00:23:42,190 All right, I've got their tickets. 426 00:23:42,650 --> 00:23:44,670 Quick. Oh, is he? What's showing? 427 00:23:44,930 --> 00:23:49,230 Do you know, last week it was Mrs. Miniver. I cried so much, all my mascara 428 00:23:49,230 --> 00:23:50,990 around. What is it this week? 429 00:23:51,210 --> 00:23:52,690 I don't know, it's something in French. 430 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,900 Anyway, the big picture's nearly finished and the manager said he's going 431 00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:57,060 our commercial on first. 432 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,440 Come on, follow me. 433 00:24:06,380 --> 00:24:07,840 I'm looking forward to it. 434 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,500 You mean it hasn't been on yet? 435 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,640 No, they've had a bit of trouble with their equipment. They lost the picture, 436 00:24:14,740 --> 00:24:15,740 but it's all right now. 437 00:24:49,420 --> 00:24:50,239 I love you. 438 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,860 I love you. 439 00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:53,700 I love you. 440 00:24:53,940 --> 00:24:55,440 I love you. I love you. 441 00:24:55,900 --> 00:24:57,180 I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. 442 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,080 I love you. 443 00:25:17,790 --> 00:25:18,950 They haven't got costumes. 444 00:25:21,230 --> 00:25:25,030 Mrs. Slocum, how would you and Miss Browns like to pop out for some sweets? 445 00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:26,510 be quite a time before this finishes. 446 00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:28,130 I don't want any sweets. 447 00:25:52,620 --> 00:25:55,980 This is the sort of cinema we should advertise in. Of course it is. They show 448 00:25:55,980 --> 00:25:56,980 everything in. 449 00:25:57,020 --> 00:25:58,140 You didn't say that again. 450 00:25:59,020 --> 00:26:00,460 Next week it's Bambi. 451 00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:04,700 The next film will continue after the commercial. 452 00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:05,959 That's the manager. 453 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:06,960 I'm on now. 454 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,540 Where's the picture? 455 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,080 Where's the picture? 456 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:16,680 Do you know a technical fault? We have no picture, but we are trying to rectify 457 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:17,680 this. 458 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,440 I realize now that a glee club singing all things bright and beautiful would 459 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:22,720 have been by far the best. 460 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,760 Good evening, and welcome to the club de rendezvous. 461 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:35,020 I'm Pierre from Paris, and this is Betty, our glamorous hostess for the 462 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,440 Bonsoir. 463 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,280 And helping her is the lovely Shirley. 464 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,620 Hello. I'll take everything down when you decide what you want. 465 00:26:50,510 --> 00:26:55,650 What we have to offer is worth it. We're sure you will enjoy it. No, sir. What 466 00:26:55,650 --> 00:26:56,770 would you like to start with? 467 00:26:57,110 --> 00:26:58,110 What have you got? 468 00:26:58,690 --> 00:27:01,850 Well, for starters, meet Patty Avocado. 469 00:27:02,070 --> 00:27:03,250 Patty Avocado? 470 00:27:03,510 --> 00:27:05,010 South American trumpet? 471 00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,770 Yes. Sounds the kind of club we'd like. 472 00:27:08,570 --> 00:27:12,610 That's a nice -looking pair. Can I have a few? Oh, sir. 473 00:27:15,090 --> 00:27:16,810 My word, that'll do nicely. 474 00:27:17,390 --> 00:27:19,530 With or without dressing? 475 00:27:20,590 --> 00:27:22,770 Move out, if you please. Naughty boy. 476 00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:28,350 Now, Betty, our hostess will like to show you her speciality. 477 00:27:28,630 --> 00:27:31,450 Please show the gentleman what you've got under there. 478 00:27:32,930 --> 00:27:39,910 Would the gentleman like 479 00:27:39,910 --> 00:27:41,870 the leg or the breast? 480 00:27:43,670 --> 00:27:47,270 I'd like a bit of both, but my friend preferred the parson's nose. 481 00:27:48,110 --> 00:27:50,230 Here. Where is this place? 482 00:27:50,530 --> 00:27:51,530 I've got to go. 483 00:27:51,550 --> 00:27:53,930 Me too. I'd like to know what else goes on there. 484 00:27:54,830 --> 00:27:57,390 I shall be performing night and day on the piano. 485 00:27:57,890 --> 00:28:00,690 Oh, my God. 486 00:28:01,610 --> 00:28:04,430 Where is all this happening? 487 00:28:04,930 --> 00:28:06,950 Make a note of this address.